Thoughts before departure
by marinenerd01
Summary: The Exile records his thoughts on the Force, Jedi and Sith orders.


**Author's Notes: Hello everyone, I hope you like this. Just so you know this is supposed to be the Exile recording his thoughts (yes I know that in canon the Exile is female but I prefer to play male) before leaving Malacor V to following Revan. I own nothing Lucas Arts and Disney own Star Wars.**

I do not know if anyone will ever see this or if anyone will pay it any mind if they do, but I feel that I must make my thoughts known. My name…is unimportant. I am known by many simply as the Exile. I have no gift for seeing the future as some do, but I feel that if I am remembered at all it will be by that rather than my name. I was a member of the Jedi and after I was cast from the Order I was the unwitting student and pawn of a Sith Lord. Having been exposed to both I have come in my mind to a revelation and that revelation has caused me to reject both of those paths.

Jedi and Sith…Sith and Jedi. For centuries they have made war on one another, they have made the entire galaxy their battleground and brought it to the brink of destruction more than once. They have done this in the name of how they see the Force. Having served the Jedi and traveled and studied under a Sith lord I have learned a truth that I think many know, but none will admit. That truth is that we are all fools, liars and hypocrites.

The galaxy looks upon those who wield the Force with fear and awe, many seeing us as higher beings, but Kreia, or to use her Sith name Darth Traya, for all her deceptions was right in this, we are not. In many ways we are less than those around us, though few of our kind see this and fewer will ever admit to it being so. They see the feats those who wield the Force perform and are awed but it is not the Jedi or the Sith who do these things it is the Force, without which we are no greater than those who hold us in such esteem. It is the Force, not we ourselves, who do these feats of awe and wonder.

Both revere the Force, but why do we do so and why do we believe ourselves so superior to others because we wield it? Jedi are taught to aid and protect those who cannot touch the Force while Sith seek to rule over them. At first these seem to be polar opposites of one another but that would be inaccurate. Each in their own way sees those without the Force as being less than themselves. Jedi protect, Sith exploit, but neither respect. To them having the Force makes them better than those without, this is both arrogant and untrue, having lived without the Force for a number of years I know that of which I speak.

Those without the Force face the same difficulties and challenges as Force wielders. But where those with the Force may call on it to aid them in their struggles. While this is often a boon it can and has led many to value the Force too highly and see being able to wield it as a sign of their superiority, when in truth it is not and may even be a weakness as they come to rely on it to solve problems that those without the Force must deal with themselves. The result of this is that those who can wield the Force can actually be considered weaker in many ways to those who cannot touch it, among her many lies this was one truth Darth Traya taught.

We all know the words of the Jedi Code; "There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no death, there is the Force." To many these would appear to be the words of a wise and enlightened order, at least that is what they would have you think, in truth these words do the opposite and condemn the Order. What do I mean by theses harsh words? Just what I have said; indeed the truth is rather clear if you look at it.

Please indulge me and allow me to elaborate on this; let us begin with the first line; "There is no emotion, there is peace." This is to mean that a Jedi is always calm and unaffected by their emotions or the emotions of those around them. This is folly, while control can and should be striven for the Order would have all emotions banished from its members, a feat which cannot be accomplished. And even if it could done should this be strived for? No I say, for to do so would require us to forsake what makes us sentient beings and reduce us to the level of droids, unfeeling mindless automatons. If it were truly something to be desired why do Jedi not simply cut away those parts of the brain which cause emotion?

Many of the Jedi consider the lightsaber form Juyo to be a form unfit for Jedi due to its emphasis on passion and aggression. They believe that these make the form ugly but to me it is the most beautiful of all the forms. It is so because in its savagery it is the most honest of all the forms. It requires the user to open themselves up to raw, wild emotion. In that moment, if for no other time in the Jedi's life, they are free from the false state of perpetual peace that they try to force themselves into. Fear, hate, pain, the joy of battle, the pleasure of victory, the rush of life as an enemy is cut down, all the passions that make a being sentient, they feel it all. In that moment they are the most alive and the farthest from the Jedi ideal, perhaps that is the true reason the practice of Juyo is restricted, once felt many do not wish to abandon such feelings and return to the ideal which, in my own opinion, constitutes a lonely, cold unfeeling hell.

The true joke in all of this is I believe that this phrase is what leads so many to fall to the dark side. The Jedi are taught to suppress their emotions, not deal with them. This is fine in when the Order was confined to Tython and when they are younglings, but not once they become Padawans and go out into the larger galaxy. The galaxy is nothing like the temple or academy and they are not prepared for what is out there and it can shatter them. All the grief, pain, rage, lust, loneliness and all the other emotions that they will encounter; they are not prepared for any of it and do not know how to maintain their balance and are lost. It can even be used by our enemies. They tempt the young with promises of power and, even more seductively, freedom, and in truth, they do not entirely lie.

They exploit the fact that by attempting to live by the Code Jedi set a standard for themselves that they can never truly meet. The Sith seek to exploit the frustration that Jedi feel as they are forced to face this fact, while at the same time they tell Jedi of the freedom they could have if they were just to stop striving for this impossible and embrace the freedom that the Dark Side offers.

I remember during the Mandalorian Wars, all the suffering and death they caused, I felt such anger. No, that is not strong enough, what I felt was hatred. I tried to deny it, to suppress it. I repeated the Code so often I lost count, but if I am honest part of me did not want to let it go, and when I finally admitted that and let the rage flow through me it felt…wonderful. I had never know such joy, such, such…freedom as it flowed through me. When I let go and embraced my emotions, both the good and the bad, I felt a pressure that I had only been half aware of lift from me. I fell on my enemies and killed them by the dozens and, at Malachor V, by the millions.

I forsook the Code and it was wonderful. When I fought and embraced the savage joy of battle I felt a release that I had never felt before. My blade and blood seemed to sing as I fought. The dam had broken, my emotions poured out as they never had before, ironically resulting in me feeling more at peace that I had ever felt at the temple and my life before felt hallow and empty. So I can say from personal experience that there is indeed emotion.

But this is not what truly gives the lie to the Jedi Code. That comes from the fact that the Jedi Council and by extension the Order itself is governed by emotion. The Order forbids emotional attachments, as such can distract a Jedi from their duty and can leave them open to the Dark Side. And there is where the Jedi's hypocrisy is laid bare. Attachment is forbidden because of what _might_ happen, a key to the Jedi way of life is therefor based on fear and when one accepts that one must accept that the Jedi Order itself is based on a lie.

This also ties into the second stricture of the Jedi Code; "There is no ignorance, there is knowledge." Jedi believe themselves the possessors of all knowledge in the galaxy. Yet that knowledge failed to prevent the Mandalorian War. It failed to prevent the fall of Revan and Malak. It failed to prevent the near destruction of the Order after the war with Revan at the hands of Nihilus, Sion…and Traya. Indeed, all that the supposed knowledge of the Order has done is breed a feeling of arrogance and superiority, further proof of the lie that is the first tenant.

When I met Master Zez-Kai Ell on Nar Shaddaa he told me that I was not alone in the way I thought. He too believed that there were flaws in the Jedi's teaching and that these flaws had led to so many of the Order to go to war and then to fall. He told me the fact that the Jedi, blinded by their arrogance, would not admit that there might be something wrong with their teachings. It was this, he said, which led him to decide that he could no longer consider himself a Jedi.

The Jedi claim that there is no passion, there is serenity, another patent falsehood. Whenever a Force user employs the Force they tap into the life-energy of the galaxy. And that's the key 'life' and where there is life there is passion, the only place that is truly and completely passionless is the grave. Passion can and should be embraced, in this at least the Sith are right. Their failing comes when they allow themselves to be ruled by their passions and their overemphasis on embracing the darker passions. But Jedi do the opposite, they seek to deny that they have passions, that they are always calm and detached from the chaos that is life.

But they are not, they merely deny the emotions which beat against their mental walls. Many succeed in denying them but others fail, and when they fail they are not prepared for the emotional onslaught and then they fall. And even when they succeed the image of the Jedi is tarnished in the eyes of others. When Jedi look at one another they see serene beings who have transcended emotional attachment. When others see them they see cold, distant and unfeeling. It does not help that the other groups that feels nothing include the Sith and serial killers. In denying themselves emotions Jedi lose their ability to empathize with the rest of galaxy. Thus their own efforts harm them and drive away those that they seek to help. The Jedi bath in knowledge of the Force, but this knowledge has cost them humanity, both their own and the ability to understand it in others.

This philosophy is illustrated in the way Jedi are recruited. Infants are claimed at birth. Jedi believe that this is best for the child as it avoids forming any attachments which might hinder their developments. They fail to see that in doing this they lay the foundation for the future Jedi to fall. Sentient beings, human and otherwise, are not meant to live lives of emotionless solitude. We are meant to form bonds and draw strength from them. By attempting to prevent these bonds from ever forming the Jedi are twisted into something that they were never meant to be and the tragedies which have haunted the Order are the inevitable results.

Does all of this mean that the Sith have been right all along? Should we all rush out to acquire black robes and corner the market on red crystals? Of course not! The Sith are free, that is in a sense, but in another they are more slaves to their philosophy than the Jedi are. This can be easily illustrated, put more than one Sith in the same room and they will inevitably plot, conspire and murder one another. They are free, but their freedom leads them to nothing but paranoia, fear and death. They have their own code which guide their actions; "Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me."

It seems a simple code and appealing in many ways as it contains much truth. It fails, however; in two areas. It leaves no room for compassion, or any of the gentle emotions and leads one to become hate-fueled and power-hungry. Indeed, some of those I fought were little more than animals in human form by the time I met them. They are a fire which burns out of control, it is strong but in the end burns out after having consumed all of its fuel. Sith seek only power and this desire and the fear of losing that power destroys them. But the true failing of their teachings and the greater one by far, is the second failing is found in the very last line of the code; "The Force shall free me."

The Force does not break anyone's chains, it places them on people. Kreia believed that the Force manipulates the galaxy to create some form of balance but I do not believe that this is true, the Force is not a god, it is a drug. Jedi and Sith depend on the Force, many more than they even realize, more than I realized till I was forced to live without it. Indeed, it is the Force that leads to the arrogance of both of the groups.

They believe that the Force has chosen them, that they are special. They see the fact of being born with midi-chlorians as proof that they are chosen for a higher purpose, be it saving the galaxy or conquering it. They do not want to acknowledge the truth, that they are not special. The Force is nothing but a form of energy generated by life, not unlike radiation given off by stars. Instead both choose to venerate the Force and wrap it in mysticism because they would rather claim that they were chosen by a god-like force rather than admit that they just won a genetic lottery. Again I point to the training of both groups, which are disturbingly similar. Children are taken from their families, raised in isolation and taught that they are chosen by some mystical power and it is their duty to help those less wise and capable than themselves because they are not Force-sensitive, or alternately conquer and rule over. Yet, despite all of this, people are still surprised when so many from both factions turn into ego-driven snobs at best and mass-murdering sociopaths at worse. The truth is nothing chose them, they are merely the beneficiaries of being able to make use of an outside element, no different than those who use drugs to improve their mental or physical capabilities.

And like any drug it rots them. They become so dependent on the Force that if they cannot use it for any reason they are rendered helpless. The Council were terrified of me because I represented exactly that, an absence of the Force. Perhaps the clearest examples of this was the Sith lords Darth Sion and most of all Nihilus. Both were powerful in the Force but were so dependent on it that, in the end, they were nothing but vessels of the Force and individuals in name only. Both were depended on it to keep them alive, to the point that Nihilus no longer even had a physical body and had become little more than an elemental force. The Force had given them much, but had also taken much.

Kreia said that there is no truth in the Force and she was right, though not for the reason that she believed. She thought the Force an uncaring god, in this she gave it too much credit. The Force is just that, a force of nature that some beings can use and others cannot. Even the droid HK-47 had the right of it. It once told me that Revan once told it that those who could not use the Force were, at times, more capable than those who could wield it. Both of them were right, there is no truth in the Force and neither is there any strength, only a grand lie. These are my words, believe them or no, keep this recording or smash and deny its existence it doesn't matter. The truth does not go away merely because it is denied.

 **Author's Notes: Hey everyone, I hoped that you liked this story, do you think he is right? I wanted to show him as someone tired and disillusioned did it come off as believable? Please let me know what you think in the reviews and if you would like to see more. Please pray for those being persecuted for their faith and for the sick, homeless, victims of kidnapping, the victims of ISIS and all others who need prayer. Bye and may Jesus bless you.**


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